Hey! I'm Nikki
If you struggle with knowing what you should do, but wonder why you don't do it…
If you are constantly judging yourself for how you eat, look + feel…
I know. I’ve been there. SO many of us smart, savvy ladies have been there…
I can help you.
More importantly, I can help you learn to help yourself...
Over the years I've adopted + practiced 2 invaluable tools that I teach my clients:
TO TRUST + TO LISTEN
It's not about a perfect diet, workout, job, person, or life. At least not someone else's definition of perfect. It's about understanding when you need what you need + caring enough to give it to yourself.
I know what it’s like to miss out on joy because I was busy trying to hide the pain of being embarrassed by my body + letting it take over my self worth. Trying desperately to lose 15 pounds for no reason other than I thought that would bring me confidence + joy. When I quit trying to lose, I got confident + felt joy.
I'm here to help because I was once lost.
This is where my real qualifications begin. Decades ago.
I remember being embarrassed of my sweet tooth + hips in high school, constantly comparing myself to my friends + coming up short. I was shocked when the freshman 15 hit in college. I was well versed in obsessing + comparing during high school but had never actually gained much, if any, weight. When it did come, I didn't know what to do.
Feeling completely betrayed by my body + this addictive, sleep inducing diet, I took myself to the gym. When the Stairmaster didn’t do as it promised I figured there must be something wrong with me. So I hid behind baggy clothes + decided I wasn’t worth paying much attention to.
The expectation to be skinny was overwhelming as I hit my 20s. Skinny equalled Good in my brain, so I tried restriction: fat, carbs, ice cream, whole meals. Which soon became too much to manage, so I ate whatever I wanted + decided to stick my fingers down my throat afterwards.
But that was just the beginning.
Once I was a“recovered” bulimic the mean girl in my head kept reminding me I wasn’t enough. Every belief that landed me in the disorder was still there except I replaced throwing up with other things. I was numbing with binge drinking, drugs, toxic relationships + eating my feelings. The self-destruction was completely exhausting but I powered through a little longer.
Food was the starring role in my life,
which was a complete roller coaster. Partying, indulging + everyone's BFF one minute to starving + isolating myself the next. Lounging by the pool one day, hitting the gym + jogging twice a day after that. Feeling on top of the world only to crash back down to depression and binging on pizza + candy.
I was so busy numbing + pretending to be who other people wanted me to be, I had no idea who I was.
I couldn’t sustain the partying, the numbing, pretending everything was OK, the loneliness, excessive workouts, the endless verbal abuse from the mean girl inside my head.
I WAS DIRECTIONLESS, LOST, ASHAMED + EMBARRASSED.
So I did everything different.
But not overnight. This transformation has been happening for 10 years. It’s up + down + sideways + I wouldn’t trade a moment of it.
You see, there is no quick fix - no bright shiny answer to save the day.
There are little steps, lessons, opportunities, people, books, experiences along the way that keep nudging you + reminding you of where you’re headed + that it’s OK to get sidetracked, that’s a lesson too.
If you want a quick fix, look all over the internet, there are millions of promises being made. This is not one of them.
I am not perfect. I will still wander to the kitchen after a toddler tantrum + want to eat all the sugar when I’m overwhelmed, scared + need to escape.
My career chose me after I was blindsided by parenthood. It was emotional + reminded me I needed to heal some old wounds.
Finding myself depressed + numbing out with food again was scary (on top of having a baby to raise). It’s also been a great gift that has allowed me to find even more of who I am + share it here with you in the hopes you can do the same.
I replaced my strict meal plans+ diet mentality with patience + respect. How would I feed myself if I loved + respected myself? How would I move my body? When would I go to bed? Who would I spend my time with? How would I handle a frustrated, screaming toddler?
Exploring these questions, getting clear on the kind of life I want to live + having the mindset that I deserve to feel good have changed me + I am so grateful for all of the work, the teachers, the healers + the friends who have supported + loved me along the way. I am grateful each and everyday for where I've been, where I am + where I'm headed - I trust.
I am a firm believer in doing WHATEVER it takes to find your way back to yourself. The books, the adventures, the friends, the tools that seem completely wacky, I've tried pretty much all of them. Not as way of seeking to be enough, but recognizing each time I put my attention on myself + accept myself, I'm 1000x better at showing up for the people that need me.
Working with me…
…is like sitting down to chat with your best friend + one day you realize you have all these tools to help yourself:
you don’t have a panic attack in the face of a menu, you look forward to exercising, you know how to calm yourself down + actually do it, you know what it feels like to be hungry + full, you become a pleasure seeker, the mean girl in your head is quieter, you receive compliments, you take breaks + vacations, you wear clothes that make you look + feel fantastic,
you start attracting really amazing people + opportunities into your life because you are operating as that kind of woman. Ready to be seen, be recognized + be meaningful, mindful being having this human experience.
If you want some personal attention or would like to join a group program or go on retreat I would love to have you, just head over here to see what's coming up.