"When a flower doesn’t bloom you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower."
I see a lot of quotes on the internets and I resonate with so many of them, but recently this one knocked me off my chair a little bit.
It was probably because I was in the middle of reflecting and writing session notes for some of my clients that were wrapping up their 6 month programs and I was in awe of the work they did and how much their lives had shifted.
You see, they showed up wanting something different and maybe in the back of their minds they thought they needed fixing because of how their bodies looked or how they felt disconnected from their lives or they felt unlovable or unable to take care of themselves first.
What happened was not fixing, these women already showed up as badasses, they just couldn’t see it anymore. They were tired and stressed and frustrated and just knew there had to be another way.
The other way is tending to their environment.
We worked together to create situations and circumstances that support their growth. If you have a plant that isn't thriving you check the soil, does it need water? How's the sunlight, does it need to be moved? Does it have dead leaves and need to be freshened up?
What shifts first is perspective, then you can work on creating circumstances that support you, then you see transformation.
Change your perspective: nothing about who you are is broken or wrong or flawed. The environment in which you are operating is what is flawed - whether that’s an environment of guilt and shame, a hostile or uncomfortable workplace, of a diet mentality, of glorified busyness, of not enough, overwhelm or unrealistic expectations. Those are not conditions in which any of us can thrive, they keep us stuck and trapped.
What around you can change: do you need support or help, is there something you can change at work, can you delegate tasks to someone else, can you feed yourself when you’re hungry, do you need more sleep, can you get a babysitter and take a break, do you need more outside time or quiet or to move your body.
Make it happen: Take one step in creating rich, fertile soil for you thrive in. Focus on what you have the power to shift and make it happen.
You are more powerful and free than you think. Tend to your soil, your environment, your perspective and watch the changes unfold.
This mindset is super helpful in parenting! Checking in to see how we might adjust the environment rather than trying to change behavior or change another person could save you a lot of strife.
I find the more rushed, impatient and stressed I act and feel in the morning the slower, crankier and more frustrating my child is. If I focus on changing that environment and doing what I need to do to get calm everyone’s experience changes.
Check your soil, what’s it telling you?